I’m just gonna put all my Blaine meta/headcanon under this cut and you can read it or not.

Okay, so Blaine Anderson projects this air of total confidence the first time we/Kurt meet(s) him. He’s the Warblers lead singer, and he feels safe enough to casually tell Kurt “well, I am [gay], but these two both have girlfriends.” But that’s just because Dalton is a safe place, where no one is allowed to hurt him without severe consequences. While he’s there, he’s confident.

He pretty much keeps this up until Silly Love Songs, where he gets upset after Jeremiah rejects him. He’s hurt, but he doesn’t seem especially surprised. He just calls himself stupid. Of course Jeremiah didn’t want him. Why would he? Why would anyone bother with someone whose own father wants him to be someone different? And then when Kurt admits he thought Blaine had been talking about him, Blaine is completely surprised. Why would someone like Kurt want someone like Blaine? Why would Kurt, who is brave and lovely and so strong be interested in Blaine? Blaine doesn’t know, and so he tells Kurt that he’s terrible at romance but that he’s very important to him.

And then in Blame It On The Alcohol, for a moment, for a drunken moment, he kisses a girl and it doesn’t feel wrong, and god, it’s a chance, maybe he’s not gay, maybe he’s bi and he can be with a girl and his dad will love him and people will love him and he won’t be rejected anywhere outside of Dalton. And he’s so upset when Kurt is angry with him, doesn’t Kurt understand? If he can be with a girl and be happy, that’s not wrong.

But Rachel kisses him sober and it’s not what he remembers from that night. It’s not right, kissing a girl, not for him. And he’s partially relieved; not knowing things about yourself can be scary. But I have no doubt that somewhere he’s sad because his dad just won’t accept him this way.

In Sexy, we learn a lot from the way he talks to Kurt and Burt. He cares about Kurt deeply and wants him to be safe when/if he does decide to be sexually active. Enough so to put himself into a situation where he is clearly NOT comfortable. To talk to a father, to Kurt’s father, and admit that your dad doesn’t care about you the way you wish he did, and ask that man to talk to his son about gay sex? That’s terrifying, but he did it, because Kurt is so important.

Then in Original Songs, everything is different. Kurt has lost something that mattered and he’s sad and so he sings, and it’s so tragic and so beautiful and so very Kurt that Blaine can’t push it away anymore, that feeling that he was missing something important. And that the something important is Kurt Hummel. He can’t waste a minute telling him. So there’s no choreography and no song. And those songs are Blaine’s armor. Blaine is safest when he’s performing, when nothing can touch him but music. But he puts himself somewhere vulnerable, somewhere dangerous, because god he’s been hurt and pushed away so many fucking times but if Kurt wants him the way he wants Kurt, it will be worth it, so worth it.

And it is, because Kurt’s been waiting for him.

And suddenly Kurt is the source of Blaine’s courage. Kurt is the champion that rides into battle and then seeks refuge with Blaine afterwards. Kurt is Blaine’s hero, and in Prom Queen he tells Kurt about how before Dalton, the bullies didn’t shove him into lockers, didn’t call him names. He took a boy to a dance and they beat the hell out of him. But for Kurt, he’ll overcome that fear and take his boyfriend to the junior prom. For Kurt he’ll ask another boy to dance in front of an entire school. For Kurt he’ll actually transfer to a public school where he is unprotected and unsafe.

It’s not fair, because then the Warblers turn on him and New Directions don’t like him and his dad’s angry because he transferred to a public school for a boy, and Cooper is far away and all he can do is text and call and rely on Kurt.

They sing each other “Perfect” in the car because sometimes Kurt needs to hear it, and sometimes Blaine needs to hear it. When Blaine needs to hear it, it’s because he doesn’t understand why the world is such a cruel place. Why Blaine, who just genuinely wants to love and be loved, is rejected by his father, by his peers, by society. Why everyone except Kurt and Cooper have hurt him so badly, why it’s so fucking difficult for people to love this boy who just wants to love other people.

The Warblers hurt him. Sebastian, who says awful things about Kurt and won’t stop when Blaine says stop hurt him. And he remembers telling Kurt that “those guys are my friends” but why did they let Sebastian try to slushie Kurt at all? Kurt was a Warbler too, they know better than that, and Sebastian put rock salt in it, and now Blaine has to get surgery but when he was screaming and clutching himself on the floor of the parking garage, not one of the Warblers stayed to help him. His so-called friends that had been his family for a little while just left him crying and in pain.

And Blaine feels like he’s falling apart. So he sings Cough Syrup to Kurt, saying that there isn’t a reason, but Kurt knows. Kurt can read Blaine like a book and he knows that the song isn’t for Regionals, it’s because Blaine Anderson feels like everything is getting worse and soon Kurt will be in New York and Blaine will be all alone here with no one just like before. It terrifies Blaine, that daunting year apart before he can join Kurt. He’s got such low self-confidence that he knows Kurt loves him now, but Kurt might meet someone else, someone better, someone more deserving. A year is a long time.

But Kurt knows Blaine’s not okay. He loves him and he knows, and he’s going to make it better.